rockin rollerderby

i was (pretty much) a good kid. aside from whacking debra over the head with my school bag (it was justified) and locking those old people in the scout hall (that one's for another time)... i've always had good grades and i've always visited my grandparents.

a lot of the time while growing up it felt like i was the adult and mum was the obnoxious teen. when i was at high school studying for exams mum would play zeppelin and sabbath albums at full volume until until about 1:30am... despite me saying that i couldn't memorise the periodic table with 'black dog' blaring out of the stereo. anyways, as a result of this i have a very high tolerance for noise and i can actually concentrate better (and even sleep soundly) in loud, chaotic environments...

it seems my neighbours can't.

i am now the obnoxious teen my mum was when i was 16. in the past couple weeks i've been on a few benders with my playmates that have resulted in early morning jam sessions in my fitzroy apartment (please refer to picture for offending instruments).

the first one was on easter saturday. i'd been to see my friend's comedy festival show 'gay conversion school drop out' and we had post-show drinks until about 3am in the morn... at this point i hit the wall so left trades hall bar and staggered home to fitzroy. on my walk home i bumped into my rollerderby pal 'cannon wonderful' who was rollerskating on the wrong side of the road up brunswick street. i was pissed. cannon was pissed. and we couldn't believe this chance encounter at 3:15am on a saturday night. there was a moment of "isss tha really yooooou?" or am i just muntedness...

turns out cannon had been at a party and had missed the last tram back to st kilda so she was attempting to rollerskate all the way home. even in my drunk state i knew this was a stupid and dangerous idea... it would have taken a fit, sober person at least an hour-and-a-half in daylight i reckon.

anyways... i said she should crash on my couch so we headed back to mine which was pretty close... after contemplating going back to the party which she'd come from. but i was over people and beer.

so cannon skates up the stairs to the 1st floor lift in my building (doing a few spinning tricks as she goes) and we head to my bachelor pad which is a drunk musician's utopia. we get inside and cannon heads straight for the drum kit (with skates still on) and i turn on the marshall valve amp and plug in my beloved bo diddley rectangular guitar.

it was a hot night so i opened the doors to the balcony and we busted out our own interpretation of the joy division classic 'dead souls'. at this stage it was 4am and we were killin it homos.



about 15-minutes into our extended rendition i could hear noises coming from outside and it was my neighbour on the left-hand-side leaning over the balcony shouting out HELLO. i didn't really know my neighbours (at this stage) so i went out to say hey. anyways, she was really, really cool and said that she really liked the music but couldn't sleep... so i said something in a happy drunk voice and shut the doors... then cannon and i continued to play... this time, some original noise-art psychedelic soundscape. we eventually got bored and tired and went to sleep.

i had an easter sunday date with my nursing-home-nan at the pancake parlour the next day so left fitzroy for the burbs pretty early. when i got home in the arvo there was a knock at the door and it was my neighbour from the right-hand-side. he politely said that he was woken up last night because it sounded like there was a band rehearsing??? i apologised and said it wouldn't happen again.

i lied.

four days later on the wednesday night i went to extreme karaoke with my favourite little biker cherub 'wheels' where our posse busted out the best gunners, split enz and kinks renditions this side of the yarra. anyways, wheels was crashing at mine to avoid a long trip home and in our midweek crazy, drunken state (fueled by respective girl troubles) we thought it was the perfect time for a jam. i jumped on the kit, wheels picked up the geeetar and we played our best heart-wrenching-folk-punk originals. did i mention it was about 3:30am on a school night?

after a short nap it was time for work and we both did our best to get to our respective employers in one piece (FYI... upon leaving my carpark wheels rode the wrong way down a one-way street and got tooted at by the people who don't think rules are meant to be broken).

at work that afternoon i received an email from my body corporate referring me to the resident and good neighbour guide - specifically point 53a (i) on noise pollution and being respectful of my fellow apartment dwellers. pasted below it was an email from my neighbour (on the right-hand-side) threatening to call the police if it happened again (apparently he'd knocked on the door on both occasions... but i didn't hear it).

so i sent a sorry email for the body corporate to forward onto my neighbour and said that i was going to bake a cake (very quietly) to make up for it. and i haven't been noisy (in the a.m.) since... well not yet.

i can be a good kid... pretty much.

man... if i was my neighbours i'd just tell me to shut the fuck up. but now as punishment one of my neighbours keeps having loud sex. i don't know if it's coming from the apartments either side of me or from upstairs. i might email the body corporate or threaten to call the police... or just tell them to shut the fuck up.